Cain's Brain
I like to drink beer and draw things, often at the same time.
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Ryu + Hurricane Kick + Generator = INFINITE ENERGY!
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My spray-painted pixel Mario, NES-style, hanging in my office. Now THAT’S professionalism!
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The Eight Stages of Driving Down the 5 (From the Bay to LA)
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The caffeine … it’s coursing through my veins! I’m alive! I’M ALIIIVE!
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Ed Hochuli. Famous referee. Strongest man alive (maybe). Master of the filibuster.
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Sacrifices were made, lives were lost, and in the end, the Princess just presents you with another quest. Tease. #NES
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I doubt Clifford the Big Red Dog would have made it in the 50s.
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Bananas in Pajamas, “coming” down the stairs, indeed.
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If you’re trying to look like the busiest person in the office, just squint your eyes, furrow your brow and frown a bit. Voila! You can now browse Facebook, chat with friends, browse the web, and do just about whatever you want. Trust me, nobody will bother you if they see you making that face.
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CHOOSING THE RIGHT GIFT (A CHRISTMAS GUIDE FOR MEN)
After years of research and thousands of man-hours, I’ve put together this guide to help both you and me choose the right gift. It’s very easy to use — determine your current status on the left, find the check mark within an appropriate gift category, and get to shopping. Here are some findings from our research:
Christmas Guide for Men
1. Feces, when presented appropriately, is a perfect gift for that special enemy and/or ex-wife.
2. Never buy perfume for a female friend. She will read this gift as a message from you stating one of two things: (a) “I think you stink” or (b) “I want to be more than just friends.”
3. A pearl necklace is the only acceptable gift for a friend with benefits (thus the yes / no in the jewelry category). Other than this, no gifts whatsoever are to be exchanged. Noncompliance with this rule will only lead to commitment.
4. A car is rarely, if ever, an appropriate gift. Buying a car for your wife is the only possibility and, even then, this is iffy. Proceed with caution.
5. If you have been in a relationship for more than ten years, do not buy her any gifts. You will never marry her. Save your money and cut your losses.
6. A gift card redeemable for sexy time is surprisingly effective.
7. A house is never an appropriate gift. It will only serve as a reminder of how stupid you were for thinking your relationship could outlast a house. There are houses standing from the 1700s. Just don’t.
8. Gifts decrease at an exponential rate when in a relationship, while expectations for gifts grow inversely. (credit to Steve O for this one)
Men, I truly hope that this provides some relief when out shopping this holiday season.
If not, may God help us all.
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C’mon, Facebook “Top Stories” … I know you’re better than this!
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This is how I found out where babies come from. True story.
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